A Happy Life isn't a Perfect Life

Savannah Jayne: 3 months old

Weighs 9 lbs 2 oz

Ever since I was a little girl I have adored children. I've always dreamed of having a big family and as soon as I got married, getting pregnant was one of the only things on my mind! Every time I saw a woman with her belly protruding proudly I just knew she must be in complete heaven. I was jealous of those women, and I wanted that belly! When I did become pregnant, I was sooo excited, I couldn't wait to get the prego belly and feel my baby move around inside of me. I had this beautiful image of what being pregnant would be like....I soon discovered the real deal is not quite as easy as simply showing off a baby tummy.

"I just wanted the glow, the one that they promise you on the cover of those magazines. Well, I'm calling it: Pregnancy sucks! Making a human being is really hard!"

While I enjoyed the moments of feeling my baby girl kick and squirm, most of my pregnancy was miserable. I threw up, my back was in agony, and those little kicks pack a powerful punch when they are in your ribs. By the time I hit nine months, I was more than ready to get that girl out of my stomach.

The whole pregnancy all I dreamt about was holding my little daughter in my arms, cuddling her, loving her. I just knew she was going to be the sweetest thing in the world and I gladly looked forward to the days we would spend together. I imaged myself finally getting the house clean, having dinner ready, and Bryce coming home to a hot meal and a happy mommy and baby. So easy, right?

Then Savannah came home. It was strange because she didn't sleep in her bed like I thought she would...in fact, she spent a lot of the time crying! "What!!!" I thought, "newborns are supposed to sleep all the time...this is supposed to be the easy stage!" Boy oh boy, did I get educated. Babies are supposed to be fun right? Everything, including nursing, is supposed to be easy and come naturally.

Well I'm calling it: Being a mom sucks! Taking care of an infant is really hard!

And no...nursing does NOT come naturally, especially when your baby suddenly decides to kick and scratch and scream while eating. Everything about being a mom is challenging. Carrying around a baby all day who cries 80% of the time, refuses to eat, and spits up constantly is not my idea of a good time.

But it's so completely worth it.

Looking back on my pregnancy, I remember the fun times, watching my tummy move and feeling so much love for someone I hadn't even met. Yes, it was painful giving birth and yes I did want to die lol but I would go back in an instant and do it all over again.

Even though being a parent is a struggle and I'm exhausted and emotional and don't get a single moment to myself, I'm grateful for my little daughter. She is perfect in every way...and I guess I just have to accept that I've got a child who is just like myself...very stubborn, impatient, and bossy! God has given me this beautiful little girl and like my aunt reminded me, there is nothing about being a parent that promotes selfishness, because in order to be a good parent you have to give yourself completely.

I think we all create perceptions of what life is going to be like, and sometimes it's hard to adjust to the reality. I'm just going to do my best to enjoy the moment.