The Big Issue of Modesty

I've been reading so much lately about modesty, on facebook, on blogs, pretty much every where you look someone is talking about this major issue that has suddenly come into the public's eye. This is mostly due to a video called the Evolution of the Swimsuit. Check it out if you haven't yet.

So far, I've seen a few different views on modesty and this video:

1. Wear what you want, when you want. Women are not responsible for men's thoughts and shouldn't dress a certain way just so that they can control themselves better.
2. The way women dress plays a central role on the purity of men's thoughts when they are around women and therefore, we should be as modest as possible to help them control themselves. 
3. Telling women that they should cover up for men is telling those men that it is okay to objectify women based on their clothing. 

Here is MY view.

Anyone who tries to say that what we wear as women has no effect on men needs to check themselves into a mental facility, because let's face it, it does! And let's also face the fact that we dress immodestly because we WANT that attention. We want every guy to turn his head when we walk past, to desire us. Say what you will but as a culture we have developed this idea that to be valued, we must be desired. Yes, that is a view that we are working on, and hopefully someday will overcome. But for now, I don't care who you are, you want to be wanted, whether it's by every boy or by one special boy. 

Example?

What do you put on the night of your honeymoon? There is nothing more gratifying than slipping on a sexy little piece of nothing and making your husband go gaga, am I right? It feels GREAT to be sexy. There's a certain sense of power you get from that knowledge, power over men. You know you can get your husband to do anything for you when you're walking around the house with just an apron on...and there's nothing wrong with that (when it's your spouse you are doing it for).

That being said, we don't always dress immodestly just for the guys. Sometimes, it's out of convenience. It's a hot day and man those little shorts and strapless top are sure looking good right now. Perhaps you're exercising and wearing just a sports bra and some shorts. Let me tell you, guys check out girls who are running dressed like this. Does it mean that those women are purposely trying to turn on every guy who drives by? No. But do we have a responsibility to dress appropriately? Absolutely.

This is coming from the perspective of a Christian and a Latter-day Saint, so you all might not agree with me. 

I BELIEVE IN MODESTY. I will teach my daughter modesty. I will dress modestly, ALWAYS. Why? It isn't because of men, and it sure as hell isn't because I don't have a sense of self worth and appreciation for my body. It's simply because God has asked it. We are made in God's image and have been blessed with these bodies that have so many abilities and so much potential. I'm not going to disrespect God by letting my boobs hang out just because I've got'em. I respect myself too much to parade myself around. I also simply feel uncomfortable when dressed immodestly. Do I sometimes want to wear a little bikini, or a short dress, or a low cut shirt? 

Yes I do, but when I look honestly at the reasons why it really truly is because I think I'd look sexy or attractive, and sure, I WANT to turn heads. Who doesn't? C'mon women, don't kid yourself. Don't hide behind "what men think isn't my problem." 

What if men walked around with their pants down and their penis hanging out with just the tip of it covered??

Would you be comfortable? Would you agree if they said, "well, just don't look" or "I'm proud of my body and should be able to show it."? Would you be able to have a conversation with them without thinking about that partially clad penis flapping out in the open? How is that any different from wearing an itsy bitsy bikini? Wear what you like, I don't care! But don't sit here and tell me it isn't because you want guys to notice, even if it's just your husband's eyes you want to attract. 

The basic fact is: MEN WILL BE AFFECTED BY WHAT YOU WEAR. period. end of story. it's how it is. it's a basic biological response ladies, get over it. I, personally, don't want to be the reason some guy is super uncomfortable in my presence. I don't want to be hanging out with some married friends with my breasts pushed up to their maximum capacity and voluptuously protruding from my skimpy top. Guess what, another husband other than mine would notice. Would that make him a perv? NO! He's noticing what is put up for display. How is that fair to him, or to his wife? 

And don't start saying, "she doesn't support the empowerment of women...she doesn't support women's rights....blah blah blah." because I do. I also believe that MEN have rights as well. I believe in HUMAN rights. If you feel like the only way to empower yourself is to dress immodestly, like you're sticking it to the man or something, then that's just sad. 

Is it really that big of a deal to wear a higher neck line? Or to wear your shorts just a little bit longer? I don't think so. I have big boobs, and sometimes, they can be really noticeable. When I was prego and right after I had my baby, they were ginormous. Seriously...the first thing anyone said to me was, "Holy crap your boobs are huge!" There's only so much I can do, but I do what I can. And that doesn't mean I'm dressing like a nun either. It's perfectly possible to dress in style and modestly as well...even though at this point I'm pretty much wearing pajama pants all day! My husband has even told me that it is so much easier to talk to a girl who is dressed modestly because your thoughts are on the conversation, and learning about that person, not on her cleavage. Men think about sex ALL THE TIME. If you are married, you know that. Who's husband isn't constantly trying to feel you up?? So it's pretty understandable that if you are showing your boobs, he's going to be thinking about touching them and having sex. That's not degrading men, and it's not making them out to be weak. It's biology people. So don't freak out if you dress scantily and get some male attention, because in his eyes, that's what you want...why else would you tantalize him this way?

If you don't want that attention...then don't dress like that. Easy. Simple. 

I just hate hearing, "wear whatever you want as long as you're proud of your body." or "if what you wear gives men inappropriate thoughts then they are sexist and objectifying you." 

Your clothes can and do define you, like it or not. We express ourselves through what we wear. If you are going to dress immodestly, don't make it okay by saying that you are doing it just because you are proud of your body, or as they say on Fired Up, "You can piss on my face, just don't tell me it's raining."own up to it.

You dress like this

because it's fashionable, sexy, and simply makes your body look good. Just looking at this picture, what do you get? Your first thought is, wow, this girl is gorgeous and HOT. I want to be like her. You don't think, wow, she really has a lot of self-respect and a love for God. She may have these things, but that's not the first thing you think of. 

Needless to say, when we dress modestly we also want to look beautiful. Yes, you'll have to sacrifice some things, you'll have to look a little different from everyone else at the beach, but in the end, everyone's comfortable. 

When Bryce and I were first dating, we went swimming one night at a hotel. I didn't have a bathing suit with me so my sis loaned me one of her bikinis. I was kind of excited honestly. I hadn't worn a bikini for years and years. I put it on in the hotel changing room...and could barely get myself to walk out the door. I felt SO uncomfortable. I knew I looked good...as was apparent by the admiring gaze of my boyfriend...and I knew that I liked this feeling. But at the same time, it felt so wrong. I didn't want to stand out of the water because I felt so revealed. And I felt like a hypocrite! I haven't worn one since. 

What you wear is your choice, it's a personal choice and no one should be judged by their clothing. But does that mean that I don't appreciate my body or feel pride for it because I choose to wear a one-piece bathing suit? I have just as much pride as any one of you and THAT IS why I choose to dress modestly. I don't have to flaunt it to feel value in it. My body is sacred to me, and I know it's sacred to God. I will treat it like a temple. I will dress my child modestly. It even makes me uncomfortable to put her in a spagetti strap outfit because I want her to always value modesty and to live up to our beliefs. I don't want her to feel like a hypocrite like I once did. 

In other cultures, women wear almost nothing and it's no big deal. This is their culture. It also doesn't mean they don't have self-respect. It's simply tradition.

I'm not going to wear anything I wouldn't wear in front of God. If he came down right now and stood in front of you, would you be comfortable in what you're wearing? That there, my friends, is the real question...and what should be the real concern.