let's be honest

....being a mom is really hard for me. out of everyone I know, I always thought that I would just be this great natural. but i'm discovering that being a mom takes a lot of work and even more patience and learning. it's not easy in any way shape or form. it's not easy if you are a stay at home mom, and it's not easy if you are a working mom. it's not easy if you have one child or seven.

it's. not. easy.

and another thing. keeping a house clean when you have an 8 month old is close to impossible. especially when you have MY 8 month old who has been going through a phase of clinginess that increasingly worsens as she gets older. honestly, sometimes i just want to get in my car and disappear, just drive back to the easy college days when all I had to worry about was getting my homework done and gossiping with my friends. i look back and i miss that carefree person, i miss staying up late watching movies and painting nails. that's the honest truth.

i don't work out, my house is usually messy, my hair in disarray, and i wear pajamas instead of jeans. i have spit up on my shirt.

and you know what i realized today. i just don't care.

because i'm not perfect, and i have to stop berating myself each and every day for not being a supermodel, uber fit, multi tasking, great dressing woman.

because i'm a mom.

i'm a mom and i have a little girl who takes my breath away. i'm a mom and this tiny person needs me. She needs me to be A MOM and not a supermodel or a track star or a fashion icon.

so that means that sometimes i'm going leave the toys scattered across the floor because i feel like it. deal with it. i'm going to skip brushing my teeth some days and if you don't like it, stay away. i'm going to wear that spit up proudly because being a mom is messy

I'm not going to lie, i don't always like it.

but i love her and will always love her forever and ever.

so it means that i'll put up with the exhaustion and frustration and piles of dirty laundry. cause at the end of the day i can sit back and imagine the some time in the future when i'll be able to stay up late with my daughter watching a chick flick, painting each other's nails. and she'll tell me who she's crushing on and i'll teach her the true meaning of beauty. i'll get to send her off to her first dance and be right there next to her when she takes the hand of some very lucky man and begins a new life. i'll be at her side when she goes through the pains of childbirth and be one of the first people to hold her babies.

and the cycle will repeat.

because that's what this life is all about. it's not about dishes or hair or who can get the highest degree in college. it's not about the best paying job the number of places we've been.

it's about being a mom.