Honey Can You Do the Dishes?

When Bryce and I started dating, I was impressed by his willingness to help his mom around the house. He almost always did the dishes and helped vacuum, dust, and take care of the yard. As a woman on a man hunt, this was a very good quality to see. Ever since I started speculating on my ideal man, I realized that if I were to get along with a husband, he would HAVE to help me with the household chores.

...and he would have to do it without being asked and without complaining. 

WHAT!! How can that be?? You mean...the woman isn't solely responsible for the care of the home?

Oh yes ladies, I am 100% absolutely serious. 

I have found that a belief that has existed since the Stone Age still pervades many homes today, and not just among the LDS folk. This belief is that it is the man's job to work, and the woman's job to stay at home, care for the children, keep the house clean, and have dinner on the table when hubby comes home...wearing lingerie and high heels the whole time. For all of the progression that women have made, why do we still cling to this ridiculous assumption?

Well I'm making a statement. THIS IS NOT OKAY. 

While I stand by the Proclamation to the Family, and believe that it is the duty of a wife and mother to nurture and care for her children, I also believe that we women WORK just as hard as the men. We "bring home the bacon" in a less literal way. While dear hubby is slaving away doing the hard labor, we aren't just sitting at home dancing in our underwear and pooping out butterflies. It is tough sitting at home all day with the little ones. I only have one and I'm lucky if I can even make it into the shower before Bryce gets home. At the end of the day, I'm just as exhausted as he is, and you know what, I deserve to sit on the couch for a few minutes! 

Lucky for me, I have a very understanding husband, and he doesn't get upset when we eat cereal for dinner because I just haven't had the chance to cook anything. He also helps with the dishes, and while I keep the house as clean as I can on my own, we often take 10 minutes in the evening and CLEAN TOGETHER. That's right, we both clean. When you get married, you become a helpmeet to one another. You both work during the day, and when dad comes home, you both should continue to work together. The children are BOTH of your children, the house belongs to BOTH of you. Therefore, the responsibility belongs to both of you. 

I recognize that the men work hard. I'm so so so thankful that my husband is willing, and happy, to get up every morning at four or five to go to work. When I walk into the kitchen to make a bottle in those early hours, he's sitting at the table with a smile on his face. We wouldn't be able to survive without him! 

At the end of the day, we both do what we're best at. He would hate sitting at home all day with the baby and I would hate driving around in the heat with no A.C. all day. We like our roles, and I cherish the time spent with my beautiful Savannah, but we both participate in her care and in the care of the house when he gets home. 

He helps to bathe her, to put her to bed. He helps with dinner (occasionally...when it's something simple like spagetti haha). He rubs my feet after she's gone to bed and expresses appreciation for my efforts with the baby and the house. Of course, there are still times when I have to make him get up and help me out, but I certainly don't mind asking!

When I was first married, I was taking a class at BYU called Marriage and Family Relations. My professor told us that one of the largest issues between husband and wife was the delegation of household responsibilities. Interesting, don't you think? Out of all the things that we fight about as couples (finances, parenting styles, time with the family) the number one thing that causes problems is trying to decide who will do the dishes after dinner. 

I find this so sad. 

Husbands, step up! Your wife is exhausted. She's contemplated ripping her hair out about a dozen times today. She has had children clinging to her constantly. Not only does she have to entertain them, but she also has to consider your needs and meet those as well. Give her a break. Offer, yes OFFER, to pick up the living room...or even better, just do it! Grab the kids and read them a book so that she can fix dinner. Help her fix dinner! Clean off the table...do some laundry...make the bed! These little things can make a huge difference in your wife's life. She will notice and she will love you for it. And even more importantly...your kids will learn from it.

Ladies, don't be afraid to ask! Sometimes your husband doesn't realize how hard you've been working all day. It's okay to ask him to help you out. None of us can do it on our own, I know I can't. There's nothing wrong with admitting that you need help. You're not expected to be superwoman, so don't feel inadequate if the wet laundry is still in the washer or the floor is dirty or you smell like B.O. because baby isn't willing to let you even step into the bathroom. And thank your husband for helping out after working all day. He deserves some appreciation as well.

I don't think it was ever God's intention that when daddy comes home from work he simply plops down on the couch, turns on the t.v. and ignores the messy living room. Nor did He ever expect the wives and mothers to do all the work. Let's step out of the Stone Age people.

"Marriage requires a full partnership where wives and husbands work side by side to meet the needs of the family." - Quentin L. Cook