Who I want to be

Sometimes life changes can be really difficult to adjust to. I'm just beginning to recognize how much I've changed since I've become a mom, and not all of it is good. While I feel that I've made the right decision being a stay at home mom and devoting my time to Savannah, sitting at home all the time with each day a repetitive montage of housecleaning has been sucking me dry of a lot of passion and love for life.

A lot of us experience the "baby blues" but what I didn't realize is that sometimes it can last for quite a while, especially if you don't take the time to be your own person and to do things that you love rather than just focusing every bit of energy on being the perfect parent.

My friend Kaity sent me an email after I wrote her asking for some encouragement. She told me that

"God has different ways of helping us to become like him. In 5,000 years, no one will care that I learned it by going to Hong Kong, and you learned it by being a mom in Boise. Remember our life purpose, 3 Nephi 12:48. All that matters is progress. If you feel like sitting around and watching movies all day isn't helping you become more like God, then sit down and decide what will. Take time and write down WHO you want to be. This is so much more valuable than what you do. Then, decide how you will become that person. Make goals and set plans. This is one of the most valuable lessons I have learned as a missionary. Decide what you want. If you don't know, pray about it. Then make plans."

I want to take her advice and write down the attributes that I want to have and the type of person I want to be.

1. I want to be more patient with myself

• I think this comes with time. I honestly don't know how to learn to be patient with oneself, so I'm setting a goal to read in the scriptures for 10 minutes every day. I think the scriptures hold all of the answers we are looking for and can direct us to the path that we should take. 

2. I want to be active

• Getting out of the house is so difficult for me, not because I'm incapable of taking my daughter anywhere, but I've just been so lacking in motivation. So to start out, I'm going to sign up for a spinning class. I've always loved spinning and it makes me feel so great! 

3. I want to be more service oriented

• I'm going to make a goal to do something for someone else once a week. Whether that's making someone cookies or bringing them a meal or volunteering or whatever opportunities come up.

4. I want to become an awesome cook

• I'm going to cook something new every week, something that I've never made before.

5. I want to continue my college education

• I'm not sure how I'm going to accomplish this goal right now. It's kind of difficult to take classes when we can't afford to pay for both mine and Bryce's education at the same time and I'm not willing to leave Savannah. I think I'm going to start saving up in order to take one online class.

6. I want to become a better seamstress

• Maybe instead of watching shows in the evening I'll sew something!

7. I want to be the type of person who always has a smile

• I'm going to make an effort to acknowledge my blessings every day.

8. I want to write a children's book

• okay, so this is my secret desire. haha it's kind of been a dream of mine to write a children's book that has a powerful message. The most difficult thing about this is that children's books are usually focused heavily on the pictures and I don't have the artistic talent! But I'm going to keep working towards this goal because I think it would be a really fulfilling achievement. 

I know that I might not always meet my own expectations but I'm going to try to be the person who I want to be, which ultimately, is like Christ. I think the best thing I can do is just give Him all of my troubles and worries and trust that with His help, I can overcome.

Isn't it amazing that my friend is in Hong Kong, I haven't spoken to her in person for over 9 months, and she still has the ability to say exactly what I need to hear? I'm lucky to have her and so is China!